Feeling the age in me lately. Mum's bugging me abt my future plans, whether i got save money for the *ahem* or not. Haiz, signs tt im getting old. Have to make all these adult decisions already.

Never expected to live till this day. Really. I seriously thought the world will end before i turn 18. Or probably i will die by then. But nah, i gotta live to see the shit happening everywhere.

Seems like every couple i know now is going thru the "im ahead in my life, and sorry u are far behind but i cannot wait for u" period. Even i myself is going thru this phase, but probably to a less serious extent. Career is seriously impt in Singapore, cos it totally makes or breaks u. And breaks ur relationship as well.

Anyways it's not a sulking entry, just saddening to see how the pace of life has crept into each and everyone of us.

Classic moment: "I getting my first paycheck liao, and u havent stepped into uni yet". Big ouch.

My friend alias Koyuki (ya too much Beck) keeps jioing me to perform in his gig. As a guest performer or smthing like that. One or two songs. Anyways, Koyuki is the lead guitarist in the jrock band R.E.I. , relatively well-known in the Singapore JRock scene. Some of u might have been to his concert once maybe.

This fella holds me in high esteem, and i really don't wanna disappoint him. But but, i dun have a band!! And i dun really wanna make use of his band to play for me. Not really nice. Quite embarassing to keep turning his request down though.

Reasons i don't wanna perform:

1. My songs are not good enough
2. My skills are not good enough to play live (i tend to get nervous and mess up. Happened twice)
3. My singing sucks/stinks, but i can't picture someone else singing my song. Weird feeling.
4. I dun have a decent band to practise with. Not many pple are interested to collaborate with me.

That's probably enough reasons y you dun see me going ard in the gig circuits.

Emokidjoe said something true, that i tend to shut out people. Be it in school, army, work.. everywhere. I guess the reason is because it's very tiring to meet new people. When i want to befriend someone, i want to know alot abt him/her. That's my style. It requires alot of time and effort on my part, and when the other party doesnt connect, it's goodbye. Too many goodbyes leads to jaded-ness. This goes for bandmates. The sad thing is the music people im close to doesnt really do music well enough to meet my standards. Shrug.

Truth is i really yearn for the desire to gig. Just to get the music out. Do it for the heck of it, like a once in a livetime thing. Live the rockstar dream.

But heh, have to be realistic la.

Talking in circles.